My story is about something I have been experiencing for last 9 years or so and did not realize it until a recent conversation I had with a role model of mine. Peer pressure refers to the influence exerted by a peer group in encouraging a person to change his or her attitudes, values, or behavior in order to conform to group norms. Most of the time when you think of peer pressure you make think of a negative experience however peer pressure can be very positive. All my life I have been a competitor no matter what the task sports, education, money, work etc. with that being said I have found my self challenging people in my profession on a respectful and professional manner. Recently I have been going head to head with the co-advisor of MALES who is a good friend of mine however, he gets recognized on a national level for his work and it is an honor to work with him, however I do not receive the same recognition for my work., to me that sounds like a challenge! Since realizing this I find my self making attempts to be BETTER than him, which in turn creates a unique dynamic of a positive driving force relationship between the two of us because now he does not want to fall off his game to me and I am pushing him to be BETTER which makes me BETTER. This competition is not know publicly it only exist between me and the person involved and at times the person may not be aware which I have experienced as well. Seeing as I have been pushing the envelope and attempting to be BETTER I have been recognized on the University level with a recent award, divisional presentation, serving on committees, professional development and currently pursuing the opportunity to present on a Regional/National level. Being competitive can be looked upon as a negative characteristic to some people. In this case I am able to take a trait/characteristic, which is viewed, as negative and channel it to be positive like Akil stated in “You Against the World” I think this is possible with just about any negative trait: argumentative/lawyer, like to gossip/talk show host, humor/comedian you get the idea… My parents never picked out my friends for me and that taught me a great lesson, which I had to learn myself and that was not everyone who enters your life is meant to be in your life…I had to learn this the hard way. Like Akil said if I cannot benefit from you being my friend there is no need for the relationship to exist. In closing if you want to make a difference hang with who make a difference, you want to make big money hang with people who make big money…its quite simple think about it this way when you want to have a good time, you hang with people who know how to have a good time. The same goes for what you want in life…Who is in your company? Thanks Follow D.R. @Devon_Rembert
Have you ever had one of those days where it seems like the world is just out to get you? Well yesterday was one of those days for me. What started off as a very good day ended pretty badly. In fact what started off as a great week ended with a phone call around 1pm yesterday. That call must have been the switch that triggered everything else, because after that moment it was all downhill from there. Did I foresee this happening? Yes. Has it happened before? Yes. Will it happen again? Of course. The real question is how will I handle it when it does.
I have always been the type of person that has liked to avoid conflict as much as possible because I understand how I can get when I get upset. On the surface this sounds like a very good plan, but it actually has some pretty dire side effects. Because I bottle so much anger and frustration up over days, weeks and even months, it eventually needs to come out. And when it does it is usually not good and it's usually directed at whomever pushed that last button. I noticed this trend starting in high school and although I have become a lot better at controlling how and when my frustration comes out, it still does occur. I'm not quite sure why this happens, probably some built up frustration from my childhood (that's what the psych's always say right), but it does. And honestly I wouldn't change it for the world.
I believe that the same anger and frustration that comes when I get angry is the same fuel that motivates me to do great things in life. When these feelings take over I tend to form the me against the world attitude where I can care less about anybody else at the time. This is the same attitude that has allowed me to succeed in life. Whether it be in athletics where I felt as if I had to dominate all of my competition in order to stand out, or academics, where I felt that if I wanted to get a project done the right way I couldn't simply take the laissez-faire leadership approach. At the end of the day if I wanted something done the right way I never relied on others. Keep in mind there is a big difference between rely and trust. This same attitude also allowed me to make it to the position I'm at now. I won't go into details but growing up, there was the opportunity for me to get dragged into a lot of events that could have potentially ruined my life. And if I wasn't so strong willed or stubborn then I probably would have followed a lot of my ex-friends down those paths. Ex-friends? Maybe not, lets call them people I knew. Anyway those people are now cut off from my life. Not because they're not cool, or because I hold some type of grudge against them. They're simply cut off because I don't need them. In this war I'm going through (and of course I say war in no means comparing it to the actual war that our troops are currently involved in) I'm only recruiting people that bring something to the table. Something that will help me succeed. (And I would hope they're mindset is the same about me, that's called a win-win). If you can't do that then you're dead weight. We all know what happens to dead weight.
My good friend Devon wrote a post a few weeks ago called "Facade" and how he was tired of putting on a mask in order to appeal to others. He was tired of sacrificing his self happiness in order to please others while slowly killing himself mentally. Since that post he has made the decision to make a change in his life and go after what he wants. My brother Gary also recently made a similar attitude change that he was tired of taking life in stride and that he wanted to go after his dreams. (Which is why we originally created the royalty Movement and this site). Since then he has been more fired up then I have ever seen him. All three of us dared to be different, dared to be weird, strange, stupid, insane, whatever you want to call us. And we graciously accept all of those titles. And you know why? I'm going to try and say this in th most professional way I can...Because we could care less about what you think. We are in this thing for ourselves and for whomever we feel is worthy enough to ride with us. The fact is that in battle you're only as strong as your weakest link. OMG he's so cocky, so arrogant, so confident. It's cool, the people with the similar mindset to mine are shaking their heads yes right now. (Enough with the rant).
The point is we all have many good qualities and we all have bad ones. But just because a personality trait you may have seems negative on the outside, or to others doesn't mean that it can't be a positive for you. You were made the way you are for a reason and no matter how much you try, there are something's you just can't change. If you are a fan of X-Men, or Hero's you're fully aware that they weren't told to be ashamed of their powers, they were told to embrace them and use them for good (for the most part). There were many that even wanted to get rid of their powers or abilities only to realize that, it was part of their make-up and it was something that made them who they are as a person. Instead of throwing a trait away why no learn to control it the best you can and use it for good.
You should know by now that one of my favorite sayings is that "I only believe people fail because they give up before they get the chance to succeed." To me the word failure is an end all, meaning that you can be down, or losing your entire life, but you haven't failed until you have completely given up and told yourself that you're not going to try anymore. The past year has been a major struggle for me and it seems that as each month progresses the struggle gets harder and harder. Not necessarily in my day to day adventures but just by me knowing that financially I am running out of time. I have been blessed with having great money management skills. Actually let me take that back, I have worked hard my entire life to develop great money management skills. So when I decided venture off on my own I calculated precisely how much time I would be able to survive before being forced to re-enter the workforce performing duties that I don't enjoy. As each day passes I get closer and closer to that date and the closer its gets, the more my internal frustration builds. Not because I hate working, ask anybody, I have been grinding my entire life. More-so the fact that having a job that I don't enjoy would significantly hinder my ability to pursue my dreams.
With that being said I feel as if I'm almost at the point where everything is about to turn around for the better. I feel as if I've been tested enough and have proven my dedication to my craft and now it's time to cash in. So far this has been a really good month for me trading wise and if you've been following my posts I kind of called it a while ago. With that being said, I am still a far ways way from my goal. And needless to say the haters, non-believers and discouragers are still out there.... and I love it. I strive on proving people. Hopefully I'll soon be on a path where I can do so.
I wake up at 5:45am and start doing work related to my personal business (day trading in the Foreign Exchange Market). Depending on the day I usually finish up with this around noon or 1pm. I then commute to a local college where I volunteer as an Assistant Track Coach on average from about. When I get home from this job, I return to my personal business and either start prepping for the following day or actively trading in the market. Before I ventured off and worked for myself I was coaching track along with working with special needs children in a local school district. Needless to say my days were pretty busy and pretty exciting to say the least. Don't get me wrong, I loved both jobs for the shear fact that I knew I was making a positive difference in a person's life. However, if you have ever coached or worked with a student on the spectrum then you know that some days can be a handful. The point is that, ever since I graduated college my days have seemed to run together. (Welcome to the real world I guess). And because I go directly from one to the other I often carry over a lot of baggage from the previous job with me. It's because of past experiences like these that I have learned the importance of separation or what I like to call it The Shower.
In the past I have had instances where I take out my frustration from my job in the schools to the athletes I coach for no apparent reason. They could be having a great day at practice and one little thing would send me off the deep end (which wasn't fair to them). To make things worse, I would then carry that frustration and anger home with me. Since I was aware of the type of mood I was in, and the type of person I become when I get angry, I would often become very anti-social so that I didn't snap on anybody else that did not deserve it. It was because of experiences like these that I learned how important it was to keep the two jobs and my personal time separate on an emotional level. This meant that if I have a bad day in the morning, I had to quickly forget about it so it didn't affect the quality of my work in the afternoon, or my personal life when I got home.
While studying up on psychology for my trading business I ran across a series of books called "The Winning Edge" by Jake Bernstein and Adrienne Laris Toghraie. These books talked in great detail about running a business from home and how to separate your business life and frustrations from your personal life. It gave plenty of examples of mistakes that people have made and how it has affected their lives. And trust me, some of these stories were downright terrifying. I'm talking people destroying their lives and families.
Anyway, why is the title of this post "The Shower" you ask. Well, it's because I personally use the shower as my transition area from job to job. After one job I hop in the shower and if I had a bad day I look at getting washed up as a way to wipe away all of my frustration and anger and start with a clean slate. Once I'm out of the shower I'm on to a new phase in my day and I need to leave all of the old issues behind. Now because I'm trying to save water I only shower once per day, so in the evening I use the drive home as my cleansing period. I turn on some music in the car (or sometimes just ride in silence) and tell myself that this is my time to relax and leave all my frustration and anger back at work. This is a method that has worked well for me, and if you're the type of person that feels as if they carry things with them for a while then I recommend giving it a try. Especially if you have a family or loved ones that you come home to everyday, it is not worth making them feel at fault for an issue that occurred earlier in the day.
Over the past 2 years I have been dealing with some internal conflicts, which shall remain
private. Needless to say but these internal struggles has been taken its toll on me.
Day in and day out when we are in the public eye we have been conditioned to wear a
façade but when behind close doors reveal our true feelings and expressions. The word
façade originated in France and is an architectural term, which means to show the front of
the building or the side of the building most public to the eye.
Now that so many of us have mastered the ability to perpetuate the façade everything
looks to be good from the outside. Let's be REAL, we are all human beings and we have
emotions, and sometimes our emotions get the best of us. “Occasionally as human beings
we have a bad day, the key is to not have back-to-back bad days”.
Working in a social environment and providing a service to people can be exhausting. It
is not providing the service that’s exhausting as much as it is hiding your feelings from
being detected. Showing only your façade is a unique skill that not everyone has the
ability to do. At the same time being too skilled at putting on the front could hinder
your ability to be successful in conversation, relationships, interactions etc. because if
you're always calm, cool, and collective it could come off as you have no personality, lack of
authentically, or not being REAL.
So you can see the dilemma many people may find themselves in… let me paint you a
picture. Vision a duck in a pond floating across the water, now look below the surface
and you will see the ducks webbed feet paddling vigorously…that is how too many
people in our world walk the streets. On the outside very well put together but on the
inside there is a lot going on struggles, hardships, pain, fear etc.
What I have learned to do when I may feel like not putting my façade on display. I find
a place where I can be me…that could mean I find a place to cry, I find a place to reflect,
I find a place to breath, or I find a place to pray! Whatever you need to do to have that
peace at mind and let it out…do it. Holding it in only will prolong the process and could
contribute to health problems as well.
In the last 2 years I have learned a lot about myself as a man and a human being, one
lesson I have learned is “you must be real with yourself one cannot put on a façade for
self when the self is the creator”.
Thanks for listening…
Each person in a unique individual, with a unique personality, and a unique style. I was reading a book (The New Market Wizards) yesterday morning that got me thinking about this topic, and it talked about the importance of doing it your way. The reason it is important to do it your way is because this is the way that allows you to receive the most self-fulfillment and eventually allow for you to be the happiest. I think you'll also find that you become more efficient in your task as well because you will have more of a personal interest in completing it the right way. Think about this for a second. If your task is to create a drawing of a beach house, do you think you would do a better job if you had to follow step by step directions, or would you do a better job if you were given basic guidelines, but were given the freedom to do whatever you wanted inside of those guidelines? For most people it's the latter. With that being said I'm not saying that you should quit your job to follow your dreams, rather find a way to throw your own little fixings on the way you handle everyday situations.
My example comes from my job. I am a professional trader in the Forex market and to put it in brief there are millions of ways that I can approach the market on a daily basis. I can be a scalper (one that looks to collect on one tick at a time) or a swing trader (one that enters a trade and holds in for days, weeks or even months), or a day trader (one that closes all of his positions at the end of each day) just to name a few. There are also just as many strategies or techniques to use in the market. I've been trading in the Forex market for about a year and a half now, and in that time, I'm pretty sure I've tried out almost every method there was following what everybody else said. It wasn't until about a month ago that I looked at my personality and really adjusted my methods to fit what type of person I am. Ever since I made that change I've felt so much comfortable on a day to day basis. And go figure, my results have improved as well. Comfort brings confidence, so if you have the chance in your daily routine, try to execute tasks the way that feels most comfortable to you instead of doing it stride for stride through another person's vision. If you have the chance to have some freedom take advantage of it and see how much better it feels.
It has been a while since I have last shared a thought with you all; it could be because I was in the middle of a storm. So here we go thanks in advance for listening to my story… A storm is any disturbed state of an astronomical body's atmosphere, especially affecting its surface, and strongly implying severe weather. It may be marked by strong wind, thunder and lightning, heavy precipitation, such as ice, or wind transporting some substance through the atmosphere. Storms generally lead to significant negative impacts to lives and property, such as storm surge, heavy rains, lightning, wildfires, and vertical wind shear and more. If you noticed nowhere does it say storms are positive, beneficial and/or helpful? Storms happen for a reason, something caused the storm to occur it did not just happen. Storms take place in the atmosphere/environment but also in our personal lives. I know you have gone through and still may be going through the following storms: financial, emotional, educational, career, family, spiritual etc. Each of these storms have a reason and plays a role in the development of the individual who is directly impacted. The only way to get through the storm is to be a “Palm Tree” and stand… a palm tree lives in the most sever climates from rainforest to desserts and come in all different shapes and sizes. Palm trees prevail in all storms no matter the force and this is why… Palm trees roots are as deep as they are tall (60’ tall tree = 60’ deep into the earth). The reason I am sharing this with you is because no matter the storm you have to stand like a “Palm Tree” and blow side to side back and forth but most importantly you must stand! One must be deeply rooted in whatever it is they believe in and realize this storm is temporary and will past and when it does pass you will be stronger than you were when the storm hit. This all goes back to your passion…when you have a passion in your life you will find life becomes more exciting. Whether your passion is your career, your partner, your family or a combination of all, you will find it easier to get out of bed in the morning as you have lots to look forward to. Once you find your passion one will start to live their passion. Remember “I am a tree, I am plated and I will continue to stand and not leave”.
In advance I want to apologize for not being able to make this post as deep as I wanted to but I have a busy day lined up so I had to rush writing and editing this post. However I wanted to get something somewhat meaningful out before the weekend hits. Thanks and enjoy.
This post was inspired by today's quote of the day from (all time great football coach) Vince Lombardi who said: "Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing." To me this quote deals a lot more than just competing on an athletic team, but rather to me it's more of like a life code. I interpreted this quote as meaning, you should always try and do the right thing no matter what the situation. Now the words "right thing" shouldn't be defined by your friends, family, or society in general. Rather the "right thing" deals with your own personal morals. Here is a recent example which involved myself. Last week I was at a track meet and I noticed an elderly woman struggling to make it down the stadium steps. I was having a conversation with a colleague of my and immediately exited to assist this women in getting to the bottom. A few people were shocked at my actions, but to me this was nothing out of the ordinary. It was a habit that I had developed and wasn't a big deal at all to me. This mindset is no different from if you ask Kobe Bryant how he feels about winning a basketball win. I don't know Kobe personally but he'll probably respond saying something like "we were suppose to win." When you have the correct "winning attitude" it allows you to be content with the small victories while keeping focused on the bigger picture.
It seems to me that too many people set their goals or standards too low. Goals should be obtainable but they shouldn't be too easy, unless you already have the next goal in mind. I saw an example of this the other day while I was out running some errands. While in a store I saw a man that just looked so defeated and un happy to be where he was at. Now who knows he could have just been having a bad day, or something tragic may have happened to him, but he simply looked like he was content with surviving and making it to the next day. I'm not knocking survival mode at all, as that's what I'm in right now. The difference is while he seemed content with his situation, I am not. Again, I didn't know this guy personally, but I'm sure we all have seen or know people that fit this same example.
The point is, if you make "winning" or "progression" a habit and a mental attitude instead of just something you try to do every once in a while, you will ultimately see brighter things in your future. Whether it be becoming a better person, or reaching your career goals, you will learn to never get comfortable and always shoot for that next thing.